sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Green mimosas i think yes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
