my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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