I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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