i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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