i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
