I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
