normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
