you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
