We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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