His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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