Me too!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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