This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
