I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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