i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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