You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
