pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
