I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
