UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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