Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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