Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
