youre lurking in front of me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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