I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
