you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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