So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
