White coat. Heels.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sarcasm needs its own font
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
