she looked like the before picture.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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