he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
