In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
