Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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