i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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