oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You made out with two different species that night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
