I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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