real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
