if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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