I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
