She is in my trunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need moral support for this bender
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
