Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
