We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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