Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
