They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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