My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
