Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
