I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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