I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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