Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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