You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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