i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
