His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
