Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I still have a little drunk in my system
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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