i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
