so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
